June 02, 2005
Lawyer
You know you need a new lawyer WHEN....
During your initial consultation, he tries to sell you Amway.
He tells you his last good case was a "Budweiser"
When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other.
He picks the jury by playing "Duck-duck-goose"
During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy.
A prison guard is shaving your head..
Every couple of minutes, he yells "I call Jack Daniels to the stand!"
and downs a shot.
He frequently gives juror number 4 the finger.
He places a large "NO REFUNDS" sign on the defense table.
He begins his closing with "As Ally McBeal once said..."
Just before he says "Your Honor", he makes little quotation marks in
the air with his fingers.
The sign in front of his office reads "Practicing law since 2:30pm".
Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge "Whatever."
He giggles every time he hears the word "briefs".