Delftsman

A Dog and Cat Story

A wealthy old lady decides to go on a photo
safari in Africa, taking herfaithful aged poodle named Cuddles
along for the company.

One day the poodle starts chasing butterflies and before
long, Cuddles discovers that she's lost.

Wandering about, she notices a leopard heading rapidly in her direction
with the intention of having lunch.

The old poodle thinks, "Oh, oh! I'm in deep
doo-doo now!" Noticing some bones on the ground close by, she immediately
settles down to chew on the bones with her back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the old poodle exclaims loudly, "Boy,
that was one delicious leopard!
I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the young leopard halts his attack in mid-strike, a look
of terror comes over him and he slinks away into the trees.

"Whew!", says the leopard, "That was close! That old poodle
nearly had me!"

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby
tree figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for
protection from the leopard So off he goes, but the old poodle sees him heading
after the leopard with great speed, and figures that something must be up.

The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The young leopard is furious at being made a
fool of and says, Here, monkey, hop on my back and see what's
going to happen to that conniving canine!"

Now, the old poodle sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back
and thinks, "What am I going to do now?", but instead of running,
the dog sits down with her back to her attackers,
pretending she hasn't seen them yet, and just when they get close enough to hear, the old poodle says: "Where's that damn monkey? I sent him off an hour ago to bring me another leopard!"

Moral of this story.. Don't mess with old
farts...age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill! Bullshit and brilliance only come with age and experience!

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One hot July day we found an old straggly cat at our door. She was a
sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted
down.

We felt sorry for her, put her in a carrier and took her to the vet.
We didn't know what to call her, so we named her "Pussycat."

The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let us
know when we could come and get her. My husband (the complainer) said,
"OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks."

He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE that wanted the dirty cat, not him.

My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. He calls my husband
"El-Cheap-O," my husband calls him "El-Take-O." They love to hate
each other and constantly "snipe" at each other, with my husband getting
in the last word on this occasion.

The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who is
located next door to the vet. The doctor's office was full of people
waiting to see him.

A side door opened and in leaned the vet; he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice
said, "Your wife's pussy is finally clean and shaved and she now smells
like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think she's pregnant. God knows who the father is!" And he closed the door.

Now that, my friends, is getting even...