August 19, 2005
A little Random Humor...
A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally
got up to the checker, she learned that one of her items had no price
tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and
boomed out for all the store to hear, "PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN,
TAMPAX SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of
the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS."
In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU
WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU
POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
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The train was quite crowded, so the U.S. Marine walked the entire
length looking for a seat, but the only seat left was taken by a well
dressed, middle aged French woman's poodle. The war weary Marine
asked, " Ma'am may I have that seat? "
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular,
"Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat. "
The marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was
under that dog. " Please, ma'am may I sit down? I am very tired."
She snorted, " Not only are you Americans rude, you are also
arrogant. "
This time the Marine didn't say a word, he just picked up the little
dog, tossed it out the train window, and sat down.
The woman shrieked, " Someone must defend my honor. Put this
American in his place. "
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up, "Sir, you Americans
often seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing. You hold the fork
in the wrong hand, you drive your autos on the wrong side of the road,
and now, sir, you have thrown the wrong bitch out the window."
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We all know how tenacious Pitbulls are when they are on the attack.
They don't know how or when to give up.
I think this one should have given up earlier! I think there must
be a bald porcupine somewhere!
So keep in mind sometimes it is better to give up earlier. Don't
lose your head!
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Two men dressed in pilot's uniforms walk up the aisle of the airplane.
Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is
tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the
cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers
begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is
just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.
The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people
sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the
water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as
though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.
At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers
relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their
magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands
In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,
"You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're
all gonna die."
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Have a GREAT weekend, and remember to let a little FUN in your life! 