September 13, 2005
"Splash" Kennedy Volunteers!
Senator Kennedy Offers to Plug at Least One Big Hole in the New Orleans Levee 
Shocked by the widespread suffering of those displaced from their homes by the flooding in New Orleans following Hurricane Katrina, Senator Edward Kennedy (D-Mass.) offered to plug one of the holes in the Lake Pontchartrain levee with his own ample body.
"The Bush Administration has failed to stem the tide of this cataclysm," said Kennedy. "I have had some experience with aquatic mishaps. This experience will bolster me in this hour of desperation as I plug one of the leaks myself."
Kennedy has arranged to have the Air Force transport him by helicopter and lower him into the easternmost breach in the levee. The hope is that the senator's doughy frame will be pliable enough to conform to the hole's dimensions and halt or, at least slow, the flow of water from the lake into the city.
President Bush praised Senator Kennedy's decision. "I think it's mighty big of him to offer so much for the good of the country," said Bush. "There aren't many who could fill such a large role in this disaster."
Not everyone favors restoring the levee. Both Disney and Turner Communications expressed interest in turning New Orleans into a giant theme park. Disney has drawn up preliminary plans for an attraction it has tentatively labeled "Disaster Land." Tourists could purchase helicopter rides to view the carnage, loot stores and fish souvenirs out of the muck. Turner plans similar tourist activities, but calls its attraction "Underwater World." Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco is reportedly considering these proposals.
In other news, Cuban dictator, Fidel Castro has also offered aid. "The Cuban people know how to build boats out of any scrap material," said Castro. "There are already more than a million volunteers .
H/T to Wingless Angel
Posted by Delftsman3 at September 13, 2005 08:25 PM | TrackBackThat's a lot of necrotic tissue beneath that Chinook.
Posted by: Jack at September 14, 2005 12:04 PMThat picture has to be photo-shopped. No helicopter could lift that weight.
Posted by: Woody at September 14, 2005 01:17 PMSo we've move from jokes to parody now. This looks subversive. I may have to report you to the Department of Homeland Security. (I'll have to check there schedule for the next non-margarita day.)
Posted by: Karlo at September 14, 2005 11:01 PMFirst Karlo, it's "THEIR", not "there", secondly, I'll let my DHS supervisor know to look for the report, I know he could use a good laugh right now. Thirdly, it's Boilermaker day, NOT Margarita day.
Posted by: delftsman3 at September 14, 2005 11:58 PMOkay that's just so funny!
It would be even more amusing if the good Senator had not recently lost a bit of weight.
But we can all agree he does have 'ample' experience with "aquatic mishaps". Although history shows his immediate response is flight not rescue.
Let it be known I happen to have great admiration and respect for the Senator. Despite the indescretions of his youth. We all make mistakes. (Hopefully however, not all of us were responsible for the death of someone.) But I do think one could say he has been successfully rehabilitated, and has served his 'segment' of society well. This of course is just one simple southern woman's opinion. Yes, I know the theory about opinions. ;)
Now, now, don't be too rough on the guy. He is, after all, the Kennedy family's fourth string in his generation.
Posted by: Nothos at September 28, 2005 06:45 PM