Delftsman

DEAR JOHN LETTER

I saqw this over at GuyK's place and, of course, I HAD to steal it. HOW does he find them?!?

Dear Husband,

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for
good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have
nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and
that was the last straw.

Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten
my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even
wore a brand new negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes,
and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You don't
tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything.
Either you're cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever
the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and
I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife

Dear Ex-Wife,

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter.
It's true that you and I have been married for seven years,
although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging.
Too bad that doesn't work. I did notice when you cut off
all of your hair last week, the first thing that
came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised
me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you
cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with
MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I
went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because
the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence
that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning
and your negligee was $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you
and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had
hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us
two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything
happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the filling life you
always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter thatyou wrote, you
won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was
born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Posted by Delftsman3 at October 10, 2005 05:52 PM | TrackBack