I'm battleing a bad case of Bronchitis right now and don't feel up to any real posting, but I do have a couple jokes you might enjoy...
The Blonde Baptist Cowgirl
A cowgirl, who is visiting Texas from Arkansas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more.
The bartender approaches and tells the cowgirl, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The cowgirl replies, "Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin. When we all left our home in Arkansas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowgirl becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn.
One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the
bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."
The cowgirl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs.
"Oh, no, everybody's just fine," she explains, "It's just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church .... and I had to quit drinking."
"Hasn't affected my sisters though."
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This is an oldie, but a goodie:
It was visitor's day at the lunatic asylum. All the inmates were
standing in the courtyard and singing "Ave Maria."
They were singing it beautifully. But oddly, each of them was
holding a red apple in one hand and tapping it rhythmically with
a pencil.
A visitor listened in wonder to the performance and then
approached the conductor.
"I am a retired choir director," he said. "This is one of the
best choirs I have ever heard."
"Yes, I'm very proud of them," said the conductor.
"You should take them on tour," said the visitor, "what are they
called?"
"Surely that's obvious," replied the conductor... "They're the
Moron Tapanapple Choir."
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Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital. One
day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool,
Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom
of the pool and stayed there.
Edna promptly jumped in to save him. Swam to the bottom and
pulled Ralph out.
When the Director became aware of Edna's heroic act she
immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital,
as she now considered her to be mentally stable.
When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have
good news and bad news.
The good news is you're being discharged since
you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in
and saving the life of another patient. I have concluded that
your act displays sound mindedness .
The bad news is Ralph, the patient you saved, hanged
himself in the bathroom with his bathrobe belt right after you saved him.
I am so sorry, but he's dead" Edna replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him
there to dry.
How soon can I go home?"
Posted by Delftsman3 at February 9, 2006 02:32 PM | TrackBackHahahaha Those are all good ones, thank you.Hope you feel better soon.
Posted by: Wild Thing at February 9, 2006 02:38 PM