Still don't feel up to doing the research for a dercent post/rant, but I thought I'd pass along some jokes that Catfish e-mailed me.
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed
in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do
anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing .
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A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test.
The optician showed him a card with the letters:
'C Z W I X N&nb sp;O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know that guy."
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Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
"I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in
the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
chardonnay."
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A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said,
"CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking
too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!
We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get
MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful ... CAREFUL! I
said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking!
Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your
mind? Don't forget to salt & pepper them. You know you always forget to salt
them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You
think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels
like when I'm driving."
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Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was
drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic ;training, the Army
issued
him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That
afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been
looking for Herman for 51 years.
That last one brought back memories of boot camp. Hope you're feeling better, it's good to see you posting again. Get well soon.
Posted by: Jack at March 15, 2006 10:28 PMWelcome back. A great rant, a good joke, what's the difference? It's important to be back.
Posted by: Grandma_Jo at March 16, 2006 06:16 AMGlad you are doing better.
Posted by: Catfish at March 17, 2006 04:38 AMhehehehehehehehehe! :-D
Posted by: Radical Redneck at March 18, 2006 03:33 PMI need to use the driving joke on my wife. Oh!
Posted by: JACK ARMY at March 18, 2006 08:29 PMDelfts I linked you on my new blog ma man!!!
http://vandea.blog-city.com/
hahaha these are great jokes.
Take care my friend, thanks for the laughter.
Where ya hiding D-man ?
We miss ya hope your feeling better...
NeilV
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
ROFLMAO!!!
Glad to see ya doing a bit better, ol' buddy.
Hey, say something! I'm really concerned, D.M. Even if you're too sick, too tired, or too busy for anything long, at least do one short post to show that you still exist (and, let us know how you're doing.) You're in our prayers.
Posted by: Woody at March 26, 2006 09:12 AM