Ok, I made my rant, and I think a little humor may serve to lower my B/P.
Thanks Jack:
Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room.
The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous."
The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jello and ice cream. It's a breeze."
The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?"
The first kid says, "A circumcision." "Whoa!" the second kid replies. "Good luck, buddy.
I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year!"
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And Catfish:
A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the
street when a
little girl stopped beside him on her shiny new bike.
Nice bike," the cop said, "Did Santa bring it to
you?"
Yep," the little girl said, "He sure did!"
The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $20
ticket
for a safety violation, saying, "Next year tell Santa
to put a
reflector light on the back of it."
The young girl looked up at the cop and said,
"Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to
you?"
"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.
The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next
year tell
Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on
top."
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And Bob:
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging
two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole
in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of
it onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills
falling out of that bag..."
"Damn!" says the little old lady...."I'd better go back and see if
I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that
money?" " Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs
up to the parking lot of the football stadium.Each time there's a game, a
lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!"
"So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and
each time someone sticks his little thingie through the bushes, I say:
$20 or off it comes!"
"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the
way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up"....