June 22, 2006
Living Will
Now THIS is MY kind of living will!
I, __________________________,
being of sound mind and body, do not wish to be kept
alive indefinitely by artificial means.
Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the
hands of pinhead politicians who couldn't pass
ninth-grade biology if their lives depended on it.
Nor in the hands of doctors who are interested simply
in running up the bills.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to
ask for at least one of the following:
Bloody Mary,
Margarita,
Scotch and soda,
Martini,
Vodka and Tonic,
Steak,
Lobster or Crab legs,
the remote control,
bowl of ice cream,
the sports page,
chocolate,
or sex
...it should be presumed that I
won't ever get better.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby
instruct my appointed person and attending
physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes
and call it a day.
At this point, it is time to call a New Orleans
Jazz Funeral Band * to come do their thing at my
funeral, and ask all of my friends to raise
their glasses to toast the good times we have had.
Signature:
___________________________
Date: ____________________
(* I think I would prefer some Scotch Pipers, along with a bugler and a gun salute)
to GuyK