July 28, 2006

The Purina Diet

I have a Labrador retriever, and was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart and was in line to check out.

The woman behind me asked if I had a dog? (Duh!) (here's your sign! ~ D)

On impulse, I told her no, I was starting The Purina Diet again. Although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital the last time. But I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story, particularly a tall guy who was standing behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me.

I told her no, I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought the guy standing behind her was going to have to have help as he laughingly staggered to the door.

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Posted by Delftsman3 at July 28, 2006 05:11 PM | TrackBack

Holy shit!......that is funnyyyyyyyyyy!!

Posted by: Jean at July 28, 2006 07:20 PM

Bet the folks in a checkout line WOULD all listen just like that, too. Excellent set-up for the punchline, and a captive (quasi-gullible) audience on tap. Neat!

Posted by: Beth* A. at July 29, 2006 10:06 AM

Totally should've known it came from Catfish...

Good Lordy that was fuckin' hilarious!!

Posted by: alli at July 29, 2006 03:32 PM

OMG I think I gotta puke ...

I'm just not sure if it's from the idea of eating dog food or just from laughing so damned hard!


Posted by: RightWingRocker at July 29, 2006 04:08 PM


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