"*You crack the shell and immediately smell the tidewater and the marsh. Pry it free, cut that muscle on the bottom, drag it out and drop it in your mouth. Explosion! You taste the salt and you taste the river and you taste the sea. You swallow the meat and taste the beginning of mankind in your nose. The taste goes back and forth for a moment, until you're ready for another one. That's eating a raw oyster."
Rob "Acidman" Smith
I was feeling poorly this afternoon, so I went to Rob's site to hear his homespun yarns in my mind. I really miss that guy.... He always cheered me up reading his prose and listening to his stories about growing up in a coal town in Harlan County Ky. and then moving to Georgia.
I'm greatful that his daughter Sam saw fit to keep Gut Rumbles up and running with reposts from the past after his death. Rob may have had his faults,as we all do, but not being able to move his readers with just his words wasn't one of them.
A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office. The man said to the
dentist, "Doc, I'm in one hell of a hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in
my car waiting for us to go play golf". So forget about the anesthetic and
just pull the tooth and be done with it.
We have a 10:00 AM tee time at the best golf course in town and it's 9:30 already. I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!".
The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness, this is surely a very brave
man asking to have his tooth pulled without using anything to kill the pain."
So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it sir?".
The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth and show him Honey.
A group of country neighbors wanted to get together on a regular basis and socialize. As a result, about 10 couples formed a dinner club and agreed to meet for dinner at a different neighbors' house each month.
Of course, the lady of the house was to prepare the meal. When it came time for Jimmy and Susie Brown to have the dinner at their house, like most women, Susie wanted to outdo all the others and prepare a meal that was the best that any of them had ever lapped a lip over.
A few days before the big event, Susie got out her cookbook and decided to have mushroom smothered steak. When she went to the store to buy some mushrooms, she found the price for a small can was more than she wanted to pay. She then told her husband, "We aren't going to have
mushrooms because they are too expensive"
He said, "Why don't you go down in the pasture and pick some of those mushrooms? There are plenty of them right in the creek bed." She said, "No, I don't want to do that, because I have heard that wild mushrooms are poison."
He then said, "I don't think so. I see the varmints eating them all the time and it never has affected
them."
After thinking about this, Susie decided to give this a try and got in the pickup and went down in the pasture and picked some. She brought the wild mushrooms back home and washed them, sliced and diced them to get them ready to go over her smothered steak. Then she went out on the back porch and got Ol' Spot's (the yard dog) bowl and gave him a double handful. She even put some bacon grease on them to make them tasty.
Ol' Spot didn't slow down until he had eaten every bite.
All morning long, Susie watched him and the wild mushrooms didn't seem to affect him, so she decided to use them.
The meal was a great success, and Susie even hired a lady from town to come out and help her serve. She had on a white apron and a little cap on her head. It was first class.
After everyone had finished, they all began to kick back and relax and socialize. The men were visiting and the women started to gossip a bit. About this time, the lady from town came in from the kitchen and whispered in Susie's ear. She said, "Mrs. Brown, Spot just died."
With this news, Susie went into hysterics. After she finally calmed down, she called the doctor and told him what had happened.
The doctor said, "It's bad, but I think we can take care of it. I will call for an ambulance and I will be there as quick as I can get there. We'll give everyone enemas and we will pump out everyone's stomach. Everything will be fine. Just keep them all there and keep them calm."
It wasn't long until they could hear the wail of the siren as the ambulance was coming down the road. When they got there, the EMTs got out with their suitcases, syringes, and a stomach pump.
The doctor arrived shortly thereafter. One by one, they took each person into the master bathroom, gave them an enema and pumped out their stomach.
After the last one was finished, the doctor came out and said, "I think everything will be fine now," and he left.
They were all looking pretty peaked sitting around the living room, and about this time, the town lady came in and said, "You know, that fellow that ran over Ol' Spot never even stopped!!