Delftsman

Just for Grins

Yeah, I'm being lazy....here's some jokes I got in my E-mail today, I hope they give you a lift like they did for me.

The Hair Dryer

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest
beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?'
'Of course child What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought an expensive woman's electronic hair dryer for my
Mother's birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits and
I'm afraid they'll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it
through customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?' 'I would love to help
you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'
When they got to Customs, she let the priest go ahead of her.
The official asked, 'Father , do you have anything to declare?'
'From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.'
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you
have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but
which is, to date, unused.'
Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'

***********************************************************

Replacement Windows

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that
expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, and today, I got a call
from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that the
work had been completed a whole year ago and I still hadn't paid for
them.

Hellloooo, just because I'm BLONDE doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking sales guy had told ME last year, namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows would pay for themselves!

Helllooooo! It's been a year! (I told him!)

There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I
finally just hung up.... He never called back.

Guess I won that stupid argument. I bet he felt like an
idiot.

***********************************************************

9 Months Later...

Jack decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Jack's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard. So they pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

"I realize it's terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed," she explained. "I'm afraid the neighbors will talk if I let you stay in my house."

"Don't worry," Jack said. "We'll be happy to sleep in the barn. And if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light." The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night. Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Jack got an unexpected letter from an attorney. It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, "Bob, do you Rremember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?"

"Yes, I do." Said Bob.

"Did you, er, happen to getup in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?"

"Well, um, yes!," Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, "I have to admit that I did."
"And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?"

Bob's face turned beet red and he said,
"Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy. I'm afraid I did." "Why do you ask?"

"She just died and left me everything."

(And you thought the ending would be different, didn't you? get your mind out of the gutter ! ... you know you smiled...now keep, that smile for the rest of the day!)

*************************************************************
This just proves that we have become too dependent on our computers.
Are you male or female? To find out the answer, look down.......
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Look down, not scroll down. Geeez.

Thanks to Jack and Wayne

Posted by Delftsman3 at June 19, 2008 10:41 AM | TrackBack