August 05, 2008

Blond Jokes

Yeah I KNOW its not PC to make jokes about any minorities, but C'MOOOON, it's not like any blonds will get them and be offended anyway....and LORD knows, I've heard ALL the Dutch jokes I care to.

Two blondes with hammers, Carol and Debbie, were doing some carpenter work
on a Habitat for Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would
reach into her nail pouch, pull out a nail, and either toss it over her
shoulder or nail it in.
Debbie, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you throwing
those nails away?'
Carol explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half of them
have the head on the wrong end, and I throw them away.'
Debbie got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails aren't
defective! They're for the other side of the house!'


Did you hear about the two blondes who froze to death in a drive-in movie?
They had gone to see 'Closed for the winter.'


A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of
her index finger shot off.
'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her.
'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.
'What?' sputtered the doctor, 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off
your finger?'
'No, Silly, 'the blonde said, 'First I put the gun to my chest, and then I
thought, I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants. I'm not shooting myself in
the chest.'
'So then?' asked the doctor.
'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 to
get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'
'So then?'
'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to make a
loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.'


A blonde was driving home after a game, and got caught in a really bad
hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a
repair shop. The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have
some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard, and
all the dents would pop out. So the blonde went home, got down on her hands and
knees, and started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a
little harder, and still nothing happened. Her blonde roommate saw her , and
asked, 'What are you doing?' The first blonde told her how the repairman had
instructed her to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the dents to pop
out. The room mate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, helloooo!!! You need to roll
up the windows first !!!!'


A blonde was shopping at Target, and came across a shiny silver thermos.
She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to the clerk to
ask what it was. The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things
hot and cold things cold.'
'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing...I'm going to buy it!' So she
bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What' s that ?' he asked.
'Why, that's a thermos..... It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,'
she replied.
Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'
The blond replied..... 'Two Popsicles and some coffee.'



A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked
sympathetically, 'What's the matter?' The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I
got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away.' The boss, feeling sorry
for her, says, 'Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and

'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it, and I
have the best chance of doing that here.'

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours
pass, and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office,
and sees the blonde crying hysterically.

'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks. 'No!' exclaims the
blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!'

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