July 21, 2009

A New Direction

I got this in an E-mail, and I agreed with pretty much all of it; I made a few changes so that it would apply more personally to me...

New Direction for any war: Send Service Vets over 60 50!

I am over 60 55 and the Armed Forces thinks I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing ass-backwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35.

For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. (here I part ways with the author...but I do admit I can go longer than an 18 year old w/o thinking about sex..)

Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a
dangerous soldier. 'My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry' We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while.

An 18-year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a..m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. (Hell, I'm up every hour on the half hour, so I'd make a perfect night guard!)Besides, like I said, 'I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical s-of-a-b ....(believe me, it would help to take some frustrations out when you've got an enlarged prostate!)

If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser. (What was my point in this post?)

Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling.
They could lighten up on the obstacle course however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training.

Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet.

An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. (And he's still learning that pants are a lot more comfortable/provide more freedom of movement when you aren't wearing them around your ankles!)

These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way..

Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see is a couple of million pissed off old farts with attitudes and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them.

***How about recruiting Women over 50 ...with PMS !!! You think Men have attitudes !!! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh my God!!!
If nothing else, put them on border patrol.... they will have it secured the first night! (Send in one Brigade of the 101st PMS'rs on the same cycle and they would clear Iraq in a week, not to mention scare the living SH*T out of every single Muslim male they ever came in contact with!!)

Share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so they can read it. my blog host won't support large type, sorry to those who need new glasses and /or cataract surgery!


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