Delftsman

Somthing to Offend Everybody

On rereading my last post I realized that I intertwined two main thoughts that are interconnected into a near incomprhensible mish-mosh, but I just don't have the mental acuity to separate and expound/illuminate them right now.

I am sure it has ideas sure to anger a portion of people that don't care to see themselves referred to cowards of the worst sort, those that fool themselves into thinking they have taken a moral stand, when in reality they have no clue of what it takes to survive in the raw real world.

I thought, why limit myself? Hence, here are some bits of humor that contain something assurred to offend almost everybody. It's the PC thing to do isn't it?
Not fair to offend just one group;everyone must feel the same sense of rightious indignation!

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What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
> > Juan on Juan
> >
> > What is a Yankee?
> > The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone.
> >
> > What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover ?
> > The position of the dirt bag
> >
> > Why is divorce so expensive?
> > Because it's worth it.
> >
> > What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
> > Doughnuts?
> >
> > Why is air a lot like sex?
> > Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any
> >
> > What do you call a smart blonde?
> > A golden retriever.
> >
> > What do attorneys use for birth control?
> > Their personalities.
> >
> > What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
> > 45 lbs
> >
> > What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
> > 45 minutes
> >
> > What's the fastest way to a man's heart?
> > Through his chest with a sharp knife.
> >
> > Why do men want to marry virgins?
> > They can't stand criticism.
> >
> > Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,
> > and good-looking?
> > Because those men already have boyfriends.
> >
> > What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
> > After a year, the dog is still excited to see you
> >
> > What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
> > The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of
> > driving.
> >
> > Why don't bunnies make noise when they have sex?
> > Because they have cotton balls.
> >
> > What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
> > A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.
> >
> > What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
> > "Are you sure it's mine?"
> >
> > Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?
> > Mace will do that to you.
> >
> > Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia ?
> > Everyone has the same DNA.
> >
> > Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
> > Breasts don't have eyes.
> >
> > Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
> > He walks around saying "Yo."
> >
> > Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only
> > on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
> > Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses it.
> >
> > Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
> > A different bar.
> >
> > Did you hear about the Chinese couple that had a retarded baby?
> > They named him "Sum Ting Wong
> >
> > What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the
> > other?
> > A speech impediment.
> >
> > What does it mean when the flag at the Post Office is flying at
> > half-mast?
> > They're hiring.
> >
> > What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
> > A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the
> > cage
> > along with... "a recipe".
> >
> > How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
> > Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
> >
> > What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern
> > fairytale?
> > A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A southern fairytale
> > begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this shit..."
> >
> > Why is there no Disneyland in China ?
> > No one's tall enough to go on the good rides

I'm going back to bed to rest up for the onslaught of criticism.....

Posted by Delftsman3 at March 30, 2005 01:13 AM