July 31, 2010

Little Johnny Meets Barack Obama

Barack Obama was visiting a primary school and he visited one of the classes. They were in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asked the president if he would like to lead the discussion on the word 'tragedy.' So our illustrious president asked the class for an example of a 'tragedy.'

One little boy stood up and offered: 'If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs over him and kills him, that would be a tragedy.'

'No,' said Obama, 'that would be an accident.'

A little girl raised her hand: 'If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy.

I'm afraid not,' explained Obama. 'That's what we would call great loss.'

The room went silent. No other children volunteered. Obama searched the room. 'Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?'

Finally at the back of the room, Little Johnny raised his hand. In a quiet voice he said: 'If the plane carrying you and Mrs. Obama was struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy.'

'Fantastic!' exclaimed Obama. 'That's right. And can you tell me why that would be tragedy?'

'Well,' says Johnny, 'It has to be a tragedy, because it sure as hell wouldn't be a great loss... and you can bet your ass it's probably not an accident either.

H/T Catfish

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July 30, 2010

A frustrated wife

FINALLY, Got my connection back in the new house; I'm still busy trying to get everything unpacked and put away, but for the moment, a little humor:

A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless panties in an attempt to spice up her dead sex life. She puts them on with a short skirt and sits on the sofa opposite her husband.

At strategic moments she uncrosses her legs until her husband says... "Are you wearing crotchless panties?"
"Yes," she answers with a seductive smile.

"Thank God for that... I thought you were sitting on the cat.''

He never heard the gunshot.

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July 21, 2010

Going Dark

Well, we finally jumped through enough hoops and bars to be finally able to close on our new house. We are set to close at 10:00 Am Thursday morning; in the meantime we're packing all the crap valuable possessions we've gathered over the years to move on Friday.

I'm unhooking the computer after I finish this post; I only hope the new internet connection provider holds true to their promise to get us hooked up sometime this weekend...anyone that knows me knows how I react to not having access to the Internet and/or cable tv. ( needless to say I react badly, but if it's only for a few days, I may actually survive the experience ! LOL)

So Emigre will be going dark for the next 3 or 4 days; I hope you come back and see me when we light up again.

Till then, I wish you all the best in life, and keep putting up the good fight

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July 20, 2010

The Haircut

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied,

'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service

this week.'

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was
a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his
bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you,

I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and

left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a
'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a Congressman came in for a haircut, and when he went to

pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I can not accept money

from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The

Congressman was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a

dozen Congressmen lined up waiting for a free haircut...

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference
between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.


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July 15, 2010

Walmart vs the Morons

I got this in my E-mail today and I have to admit that the unknown author of this piece may be on to something... :

something to ponder...

1. Americans spend $36,000,000 at Wal-Mart every hour of every day.
2. This works out to $20,928 profit every minute!
3. Wal-Mart will sell more from January 1 to St. Patrick's Day (March 17th) than Target sells all year.
4. Wal-Mart is bigger than Home Depot + Kroger + Target + Sears + Costco + K-Mart combined.
5. Wal-Mart employs 1.6 million people and is the largest private employer, and most speak English.
6. Wal-Mart is the largest company in the history of the World.
7. Wal-Mart now sells more food than Kroger & Safeway combined, and keep in mind they did this in only 15 years.
8. During this same period, 31 supermarket chains sought bankruptcy.
9. Wal-Mart now sells more food than any other store in the world.
10. Wal-Mart has approx 3,900 stores in the USA of which 1,906 are Super Centers; this is 1,000 more than it had 5 Years ago.
11. This year 7.2 billion different purchasing experiences will occur At a Wal-Mart store. (Earth's population is approximately 6.5 Billion.)
12. 90% of all Americans live within 15 miles of a Wal-Mart.

You may think that I am complaining, but I am really laying the ground work for suggesting that MAYBE we should hire the guys who run Wal-Mart to fix the economy.

This should be read and understood by all Americans, Democrats, Republicans — EVERYONE!

To President Obama and all 535 voting members of the Legislature:

...it is now official you are ALL corrupt morons:

* The U.S. Post Service was established in 1775. You have had 234 years to get it right and it is broke.
* Social Security was established in 1935. You have had 74 years to get it right and it is broke.
* Fannie Mae was established in 1938. You have had 71 years to get it right and it is broke.
* War on Poverty started in 1964. You have had 45 years to get it right; $1 trillion of our money is confiscated each year and transferred to "the poor" and they only want more.
* Medicare and Medicaid were established in 1965. You have had 44 years to get it right and they are broke.
* Freddie Mac was established in 1970. You have had 39 years to get it right and it is broke.
* The Department of Energy was created in 1977 to lessen our dependence on foreign oil. It has ballooned to 16,000 employees with a budget of $24 billion a year and we import more oil than ever before. You had 32 years to get it right and it is an abysmal failure.

You have FAILED in every "government service" you have shoved down our throats while overspending our tax dollars AND YOU WANT AMERICANS TO BELIEVE YOU CAN BE TRUSTED WITH A GOVERNMENT-RUN HEALTH CARE SYSTEM??

I'm not that big a fan of Wal-Mart; I think they sometimes use bully tactics unfairly stifle their competition, and I don't like that fact that most of their products are made in China

Your Opinions?

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Quote of the Day

"In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm and three or more is a congress." —John Adams

Having seen the proposed "financial reform" package that Congress is contemplating passing; I can only conclude that Adams didn't go far enough; these people are not only useless, they are criminals.

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July 14, 2010

Deep Thoughts For Those Who Take Things Way Too Serious

- A day without sunshine is like...night.

- He who laughs last thinks slowest.

- On the other hand, you have different fingers

- I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

- The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.

- 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

- Remember, half the people you know are below average.

- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

- A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

- If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

- OK, . . . . so what's the speed of dark?

- Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.

- Every one has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

- How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

- Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

- Inside every older person is a younger person wondering what happened.

- Just remember - if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.

- Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

- Life isn't like a box of chocolates; it's more like a jar of jalapeno's. What you do today, might burn your butt tomorrow.

- How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.

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July 12, 2010

Home Grown Enemies

Yeah, this is an old video, over eight years old as a matter of fact, but observe the words and the attitudes displayed herein and ask yourself just what kind of Administration would refuse to sentence criminals that had already been found guilty (the New Black Panther Party members harassing would be voters in Philidelphia), simply because those criminals belonged to the same race as Ear Leader? And why hasn't the major media made any noise about it?

Here you have Black AND Muslim extremism openly displayed only a scant year after 9/11 for all the country to see, yet I wager you've never heard of it before now.

We are growing our own vipers in the nest of our Republic and our media refuses to report on it, and the Administration in our White House is actually giving tacit support to them. It's bad enough they don't have the stomach to really take the fight to the extremists outside our borders; they are assisting those inside our borders.

Impeach Obama NOW.

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July 09, 2010

I Fought For YOU


'Nuff SAID

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The Green Hat

The other day I needed to go to the emergency room. Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my GREEN HAT that I got from Newsmax when I had subscribed to the magazine.

When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all. Cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time. Here's the hat. Try it the next time you're in need of quicker emergency service.



It also works at DMV. It saved me 5 hours.

At the Laundromat, three minutes after entering, I had my choice of any machine, most still running.

Don't try it at McDonald's though.
The whole crew got up and left and l never got my order.


All kidding aside though, just WHAT is the Obambi Administration thinking in suing Arizona on it's new Immigration statute?!?!

A. Maybe they are just teed off by the fact that it shows that the Federal government has been negligent in performing it's Constitutional duty ?

B. Or is it the fact that it puts a spotlight on the fact that Obambi is trying to extend his power base by making ILlegals "legal" so as to enhance his chances of getting re-elected in 2012?

C. Or is it a chance to demagogue about "racial profiling" (specifically prohibited in the statute btw) and solidify the racial divisions that seem to be increasing on a daily basis?

Personally, I think it is D: all of the above; what about you?

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July 08, 2010

Quote of the Day

"False is the idea of utility ... that would take fire from men because it burns, and water because one may drown in it; that has no remedy for evils, except destruction of liberty. The laws that forbid the carrying of arms are laws of such nature. They disarm only those who are neither inclined nor determined to commit crimes ... such laws serve rather to encourage than to prevent homicides, for an unarmed man may be attacked with greater confidence than an armed man." -- Thomas Jefferson, Third President of the United States writing in his 'Commonplace Book', 1775

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July 01, 2010

Low Posting

I know I haven't been posting much lately; there is this thing called "life" that keeps getting in the way.

Beth and I have been in the process of trying to buy a new house and it has been quite a process (read to mean "pain in the ass") we have finally gotten an ok from the bank, now all that remains is to get a FHA appraisal completed and setting a closing date..and making sure we have the money to pay the closing costs.

It's been a long road and, if not for the backing of family, an almost impossible one to achieve, but hopefully, by this time next month I will be penning posts from a new location, and one that Beth and I can call our own, as long as the mortgage and the taxes are paid. I will try to make sure to put up at least one post a day after that.

Thank you all for your patience, and I hope you will continue to check in here as often as possible.

Posted by Delftsman3 at 09:00 PM | Comments (191) | TrackBack

How Things Work

The Governor of California is jogging with his dog along a nature trail. A coyote jumps out, bites the Governor and attacks his dog.

1. The Governor starts to intervene, but reflects upon the movie "Bambi" and then realizes he should stop; the coyote is only doing what is natural.

2. He calls animal control. Animal Control captures coyote and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases and $500 for relocating it.

3. He calls a veterinarian. The vet collects the dead dog and bills the State $200 testing it for diseases.

4. The Governor goes to hospital and spends $3,500 getting checked for diseases from the coyote and on getting his bite wound bandaged.

5. The running trail gets shut down for 6 months while Fish & Game conducts a $100,000 survey to make sure the area is free of dangerous animals.

6. The Governor spends $50,000 in state funds implementing a "coyote awareness" program for residents of the area.

7. The State Legislature spends $2 million to study how to better treat rabies and how to permanently eradicate the disease throughout the world.

8. The Governor's security agent is fired for not stopping the attack somehow and for letting the Governor attempt to intervene.

9. Additional cost to State of California : $75,000 to hire and train a new security agent with additional special training re: the nature of coyotes.

10. PETA protests the coyote's relocation and files suit against the State.

Arizona: The Governor of Arizona is jogging with her dog along a nature trail. A Coyote jumps out and attacks her dog.

1. The Governor shoots the coyote with her State-issued pistol and keeps jogging. The Governor has spent $0.50 on a .45 ACP hollow point cartridge.

2. The Buzzards eat the dead coyote.

And that's why California is broke.

H/T To Eddy

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