September 17, 2007

JUST FOR GRINS

Grandmas Don't Know Everything

Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days.

He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while
when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma,
what's that called when two people sleep in the same room
and one is on top of the other?"

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to just tell
him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling."

Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK," and went back outside to
play with the other kids.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,
"Grandma, it isn't called sexual intercourse. It's called
Bunk Beds.

And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you."

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him.
He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife.
She directs him down the correct aisle.

A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.

She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife?

He answers, 'You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store
To get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco
And some rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo much cheaper.
So, I figure if I have to roll my own .......... So does she.


CREATION

A man said to his wife one day, 'I don't know how you can be
So stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
'
The wife responded, 'Allow me to explain.

God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

FOOTBALL SCOUTING REPORT*

> >>>Well folks, it arrived ... the 2007 football scouting report. The
> >>>following scouting report is making the rounds of Division I football
> >>>coaches:

> >>>Wayfron P. Jackson: 6' 6", 215 lbs. Wide Receiver.
> >>>Hottest prospect
> >>>from Texas in the last ten years. Loves rap music.
> >>>Will demand a
> >>>mini-cassette in his helmet. Currently holds world record for the most
> >>>"do you knows" during an interview (62 in one minute). Wayfron can
> >>>print his complete name.

> >>>Cletis Quinticious Jenkins: 6' 3", 220 lbs. Running Back. Set state
> >>>scoring record out of Triton High School, Dunn, North Carol ina. & Also
> >>>led the state in burglaries, but has only 9 convictions. He has been
> >>>clocked at 4.2 seconds in the 40 yard dash with a 19" TV under each arm.

> >>>Roosevelt "Dude" Dansell: 6' 1", 195 lbs. Running Back. From Tyler,
> >>>Texas. Has processed hair and imitates Billy Dee Williams very well.
> >>>Before he signed his letter of intent, he wanted the school to change
> >>>colors to chartreuse and pink. Listed his church preference as "red
> >>>brick."

> >>>Woodrow Lee Washington: 6' 8", 310 lbs. Tackle. From a 4th generation
> >>>welfare family. At 19 he's the oldest of 21 children.
> >>>Mother claims Woodrow and child number 9 have same father. He has a
> >>>manslaughter trial pending but feels he will be found innocent because:
> >>>"The dude said something bad 'bout my Momma." On his entrance form, he listed his I.Q. as 20-20.

> >>>Willie "Night Train" Smith: 6'4", 225 lbs. Quarter back. Born on an
> >>>Amtrak train. Birth certificate indicates he is 27 years old. Thinks the
> >>>"N" on Nebraska's helmets stands for "Nowledge,"
> >>>but still meets this school's stringent entrance requirements. Insists on > >>>wearing number 32 jersey since it matches his score on his College
> >>>Entrance Exam.

> >>>Tyrone "Python" Peoples: 6'10", 228 lbs. Wide Receiver. Has a pending
> >>>paternity suit and two rape trials, but hopes none of his other
> >>>9 victims will file charges. Tyrone had already signed letters of intent
> >>>with six other colleges but was also willing to sign with us.
> >>>Likes wild women and red Cadillacs. Thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican
> >>>Telephone Company.

> >>>Abdul Hasheen Abba Ali: 6'10", 305 lbs. Guard. Played high school ball
> >>>under the name Sylvester LeRoy Jones until he discovered religion.
> >>>Abdul thinks Sherlock Holmes is a housing project in Jacksonville.
> >>>Doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear." (Doesn't know the meaning
> >>>of many other words, either.)

> >>>Note: College track coaches intend to use several of the above signees
> >>>in their track programs. However, instead of using a starting gun at
> >>>track meets, the NCAA has agreed to use a burglar alarm... This, they
> >>>hope, will keep the runners alert.

Posted by Delftsman3 at September 17, 2007 05:27 PM | TrackBack
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Lifting weights is the easiest method to build lean muscle mass and increase strength, but it can also lead to injuries in case you are not careful. Here are six common reasons for weight lifting injuries, and how to avoid them.

1. Using Bad Form and Technique

Far too many people use bad form and technique when weight lifting, and it's a common cause of injury. People perform their reps at a fast speed using more momentum than muscle energy. People heave, swing, or bounce the weight rather than lifting it.

Bad form and technique often occurs when someone is utilizing a weight that's too heavy to enable them to lift properly. Use a weight that challenges a person, but that's not so heavy that your form and technique get sloppy. Use muscle energy, not momentum, to elevate the weight. Don't heave, golf swing, or bounce the bodyweight. Lift and lower the weight in a steady and controlled manner while concentrating on feeling the muscle that you have been working (this is called the mind-muscle connection).

2. Not Warming Up

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3. Overtraining

Training many times saps your energy and reduces both your muscle's and nervous system's capability to recuperate from your weight lifting workouts. If you're within a depleted, weakened Stepper state through overtraining, your risk of injury increases. You also have to realize that muscles don't grow during training, they will grow after training. Lifting weights causes microscopic tears in the muscles, and rest days enable the muscles to repair themselves, grow, and get stronger.

Training too often and never giving your muscles plenty of time to recover from training not just increases your risk associated with injury, it also causes muscle growth and strength increases in the future to a halt.

give consideration to. Not Listening to Your system

When lifting weights, you need to work out with a lot of intensity if you want to build muscle and improve strength. But if your exhausted and lacking energy prior to a particular weight lifting workout, you may need to help ease up on the intensity for that particular workout, or even consider no longer working out at all that day. Pushing yourself too hard when you're tired and also lacking energy increases your own risk of injury.

5. Lack of Concentration

If you are distracted, preoccupied or lackadaisical when strength training, especially when performing free of charge weight exercises like barbell squats or even dumbbell shoulder presses, if you're inviting injury.

6. Bad Nutrition

Weight training and proper nutrition go hand in hand. Proper nutrition provides you with the energy you need for the weight training workouts. Without having proper nutrition, you'll be in a depleted, weakened state, and your risk of injury increases. Proper nutrition is not only necessary to fuel your own workouts, it's also necessary to assist you recover from your workouts.

As you can notice, avoiding weight lifting injuries is not difficult. Just follow these guidelines as well as your weight training workouts will be productive and injury free of charge.

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