December 12, 2009

Bad Poultry Jokes

The Bad Rooster Joke

John the farmer was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers (hens), called pullets, and eight or ten roosters, whose job was to fertilize the eggs. The farmer kept records and any rooster that didn't perform went into the soup pot and was replaced.
That took an awful lot of his time so he bought a set of tiny bells and attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so John could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing. Now he could sit on the porch and fill out an efficiency report simply by listening to the bells.
The farmer's favorite rooster was old Butch, a very fine specimen he was, too. But on this particular morning John noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all! John went to investigate.
The other roosters were chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing. The pullets, hearing the roosters coming, would run for cover. But to Farmer John's amazement, Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.
John was so proud of Butch, he entered him in the county fair and Butch became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result: The judges not only awarded Butch the "No Bell Piece Prize" but they also awarded him the "Pullet Surprise" as well

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Love in the Kitchen

A man's wife was standing in the kitchen, preparing their usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only the 'T' shirt that she normally slept in. When her husband walked into the kitchen, barely awake, she turned to him and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment!"
His eyes lit up as he thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day!"
Not wanting to lose the moment, the husband embraced his wife and then gave it his all, right there on the kitchen table. When it was all over she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.
Happy, but a little puzzled, the man asked, "What was that all about?"
She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loving Turkey

A farmer's wife comes home the day before Thanksgiving only to hear strange noises coming from the kitchen. When she walks in, she was shocked to see her husband engaged in a lascivious act with a dead turkey. The exhausted farmer looks up and says "hey honey, how am I doing?"
The farmer's wife shakes her head in disappointment and says "No, no no... I told you to PLUCK the bird!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ordering Chicken

A man studied the menu long and hard, and finally turned to the waiter for help.
Well, said the waiter, today our special is chicken on a bed of wild rice with green beans almandine and a nice side salad.
That sounds great. How is your chicken prepared?
We break it to him very gently and tell him its nothing personal.

Posted by Delftsman3 at December 12, 2009 02:40 PM | TrackBack
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