Delftsman

New Heavan Admittance Policy

It was getting a little crowded in Heaven, so God decided to change
the Admittance Policy. The new law was that, in order to get into
Heaven, you had to have a really bummer day on the day you died.

The policy would go into effect promptly at noon the next day.

So, the next day at 12:01 the first person arrived at the gates of
Heaven.

The gatekeeper Angel, remembering the new policy, said to the man,
"Before I let you in, I need you to tell me how your day was going
when you died."

"No problem," the man said. "I came home to my 25th-floor apartment
on my lunch hour and caught my wife having an affair - but her lover
was nowhere in sight. I immediately began searching for him. My wife,
half naked, was yelling at me as I searched the entire apartment.

"Just as I was about to give up, I happened to glance out onto the
balcony and noticed a man hanging off the edge by his fingertips!
The nerve of that guy! Well, I ran out onto the balcony and stomped on his
fingers until he fell to the ground. Wouldn't you know it? He landed in some
trees and bushes that broke his fall, and he didn't die. Now in a rage, I
went back inside to get the first thing I could get my hands on to throw
at him. Oddly enough, the first thing I thought of was the refrigerator. I
unplugged it, pushed it out onto the balcony and tipped it over the
side. It plummeted 25 stories and crushed him! The excitement of the
moment was so great that I had a heart attack and died almost instantly."

The Angel thought for a moment. Technically, even tho it was a
crime of passion, the guy did have a bad day, so the Angel announced, "Okay,
sir. Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven!" and let him in.

A few seconds later, the next arrival, to the Angel's surprise, was
Donald Trump! "Mr.Trump, before I can let you in, I need to
hear about what your day was like when you died."

Trump said, "No problem - but you're not going to believe this. I
was on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment doing my daily exercises.
I'd been under a lot of pressure, so I was really pushing hard to
relieve my stress. I guess I got a little carried away, slipped, and fell over the
side. Luckily, I was able to catch myself by the fingertips on the
balcony below mine, but, all of a sudden, this crazy man comes running out
of his apartment, starts cussing, and stomps on my fingers. Well - of
course I fell! I hit some trees and bushes which broke my fall, so I didn't
die right away. As I'm lying there, face up on the ground, unable to
move and in excruciating pain, I see this lunatic push his refrigerator
- of all things! - off the balcony. It landed on top of me, killing me instantly."

The Angel quietly laughed to himself as Trump finished his story
and thought "I could get used to this new policy!" "Very well," the
Angel announced. "Welcome to the Kingdom of Heaven," and he let Trump
enter.
A few seconds later, Bill Clinton arrived at the gate. The Angel
was almost too shocked to speak. Thoughts of assassination and war
poured through the Angel's head. Finally he said, "Mr. President, please - tell me what it was like the day you died."

Clinton said, "Okay. Picture this. I'm naked inside a refrigerator ... "
. .

H/T to Jack

DSL Update

Just got the word from SBC that the DSL line will become fully accessible on Tuesday, August 2nd. I sincerely hope that this will be the case, but as they have moved the date back twice already, I will just have to wait and see if they come through this time.

I am gratefull for all of you that have remained loyal in the face of no posting here for the last three weeks.

I hope to come out strong as soon as I have the connection enableing me to do so....there is SO much to rant about lately, and it's been a real mental strain not having the outlet of this blog to release the pressure.

See you next Tuesday!

Koran, MY Ass!

I found a new product whilst perusing the wisdom at the Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler. Now if I can only find a local supplier.....

Moral Equivalence?

Time and again, I see in the press stories that try to equate the actions of murduring thugs with that of our troops fighting them. It's a breath of fresh air to read something like THIS.

It's about time that the Terrorist apologists in the press start to display some sense and show the real disparity in the actions of the Mooselimbs and our soldiers. Our soldiers aren't saints by any stretch of the imagination, especially when engaged in the heat of a battle, but the actions taken by PFC Tschiderer demonstrate that atrocitities are the rare exception rather than the rule; in direct reverse of the enemy we are engaged with.

As Mr. Avlon put it: "Our troops may not be perfect — we are human beings at war, not angels in heaven — but there is no moral equivalence between terrorists who target innocent human life, and the soldiers of the civilized world who try to bind the wounds of those who have just tried to kill them in combat."

Time and again, our troops have taken more causelties than they truly have needed to, because they follow strict ROE designed to protect the innocent as much as possible in a hot war zone. By contrast, the enemy we fight have targeted civilians as the MAIN option...after all, it's a lot safer for them to detonate a bomb among civilians than trying to engage troops in face to face battle.

MuHAMmed Gets New Bed

His most Magnificant Rottiness, Darth Misha 1 had a problem...it seems that his pet pig, MuHAMmed, had gotten too large to comfortably roam the halls of the Imperial Palace.

Well, our dear Emperor DOES have a crack staff of scientists, and they managed to shrink the Imperial Porcine down to a much more manageable size, but then there arose a new problem; where could poor MuHAMmed rest his Imperial snout? His old pad was now much too large.

Our Emperor, ever the resourceful one, hit upon the perfect solution for a new resting place:

Sleep easy, MuHAMmed, and if the burlap is a little rough, I'm sure the Emperor can find you a nice thick prayer rug to replace it.

Joke of the Day

Two men dressed in pilot's uniforms walk up the aisle of the airplane.
Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is
tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the
cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers
begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this is
just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming.

The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and the people
sitting in the window seats realize they're headed straight for the
water at the edge of the airport territory. As it begins to look as
though the plane will plough into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin.

At that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air. The passengers
relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon all retreat into their
magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands

In the cockpit, one of the blind pilots turns to the other and says,
"You know, Bob, one of these days, they're gonna scream too late and we're
all gonna die."

H/T to Jack

hiat=us

two BOTH of my readers, I apologize. I've been offline since the 4th due to extreme poverty. I've gotten a temporary dial-up connection; but it's not good enough to be able to post too much. I hope to have DSL back by the end of next week.

Please go through the archives, and the fine folks in the blogroll. I'll be back ASAP with my twaddle.

The 4th

As an immigrant to this country, the 4th of July was always one of my favorite holidays. It's the birthday of the greatest country the world has ever seen. That makes it even sadder to see what we've done to her in the last twenty years or so. McCain-Feingold, the "real ID", the recent "takings" decision by the SCOTUS, the RICO act, and a myriad of other actions that we've allowed our government to engender is taking our freedoms one by one. Take this 4th to really THINK about what we are celebrating, and steel yourself to fighting the battle to take it back.

On a lighter note, I want to wish my father a happy 74th Birthday. He loves to tell the story of his 27th birthday. He had just moved his family the previous September to a new country, where he didn't know a soul, didn't know the language, and had no job waiting for him. What he DID have was a wife and two young children to support, and a dream of providing them a better life than they could have had in the Netherlands, which was still trying to recover from the ravages of WW11 at the time. When it got dark on that first 4th of July in his new homeland, the sky was lit up with a great display of fireworks.

He thought they were celebratiog his birthday! WHAT A COUNTRY!

The 4th

As an immigrant to this country, the 4th of July was always one of my favorite holidays. It's the birthday of the greatest country the world has ever seen. That makes it even sadder to see what we've done to her in the last twenty years or so. McCain-Feingold, the "real ID", the recent "takings" decision by the SCOTUS, the RICO act, and a myriad of other actions that we've allowed our government to engender is taking our freedoms one by one. Take this 4th to really THINK about what we are celebrating, and steel yourself to fighting the battle to take it back.

On a lighter note, I want to wish my father a happy 74th Birthday. He loves to tell the story of his 27th birthday. He had just moved his family the previous September to a new country, where he didn't know a soul, didn't know the language, and had no job waiting for him. What he DID have was a wife and two young children to support, and a dream of providing them a better life than they could have had in the Netherlands, which was still trying to recover from the ravages of WW11 at the time. When it got dark on that first 4th of July in his new homeland, the sky was lit up with a great display of fireworks.

He thought they were celebratiog his birthday! WHAT A COUNTRY!

Whoo NASA!

Nasa gave us a fantastic fireworks show with the Deep Impact Project.

This whole project was akin to trying to hit a speeding bullet with another bullet, all by remote control from the other side of the world. They carried it out with flawless precision.

Here are two views taken from the delivery vehicle:

Here is an image of the colision as seen from an Earth orbiting telescope:

Another step in learning about our universe. Congratulations NASA!

HAPPY 4TH OF JULY

O'Connor Quits

Justice Sandra Day O'Connor is calling it quits. Forgive me if I say that I won't miss her, she must have been a disappointment to President Reagan with some of her stands.

Now we'll get a chance to see if the Democrats will be as willing to compremise as they claimed they were, and just how much backbone may exist on the Right side of the aisle. The only thing that is certain is that it's going to be a donnybrook.

LET THE GAMES BEGIN!