Delftsman

KKK (Kool Kolored Kids) strike again

Jason Whitlock says it like I would LIKE to, but can't, due to the fact that I'd just be blown off as "just another racist Honky".

I don't always agree with Mr. Whilock, but in this case, I think he's hit the nail square on the head.

Sean Taylor is being mourned as a victim, with any mention of his past labled as "racist" and "blaming the minority". The fact is that we all have to deal with the consequences of our past actions; the real tragedy here is that an innocent 18 month old baby is also having to face consequences as well. She didn't deserve to lose her father before she could really know him, and that is a tragedy that is repeated all too often in the Black community, to the great detriment of us all.

Moonbats in action in OZ

WHAT is in the water in OZ?!! A town council wants to fine some kids up to $250. each for, get this, PLAYING IN A PARK.

The parents of three families had gotten into the habit of taking their kids to the park after school twice a week to combat "video game spread"....there are stories every day about childhood obesity, and when some parents try to provide wholesome excersize; they get fined for it ?!?

Globull Wormining -- What DOESN'T it cause?

Dr. John Brignell, a British engineering professor, runs a website called numberwatch

He has compiled what has to be the most complete collection of links to media stories ascribing the cause of everything under the sun to global warming. He has already posted more than six-hundred links.

Here is the page with the complete list of links.

Thanks to the American Thinker for the story.

R.I.P. Evel Knievel

Knievel had been in failing health for years, suffering from diabetes and idiopathic pulmonary fibrosis, an incurable condition that scarred his lungs. He had undergone a liver transplant in 1999 after nearly dying of hepatitis C, likely contracted through a blood transfusion after one of his bone-shattering spills.

His death comes just two days after it was announced that he and rapper Kanye West had settled a federal lawsuit over the use of Knievel's trademarked image in a popular West music video.

Knievel was the first of two children born to Robert and Ann Knievel. He was born in Butte, Montana. Robert and Ann divorced in 1940, just after the birth of their second child, Nic. Both parents decided to leave Butte and their two children to get a new start. The children were raised by their paternal grandparents, Ignatius and Emma Knievel. At the age of eight, Knievel attended a Joie Chitwood Auto Daredevil Show, which he credits for his later career choice to become a motorcycle daredevil.

Knievel dropped out of high school after his sophomore year and got a job with the Anaconda Mining Company as a diamond drill operator in the copper mines. He was promoted to surface duty where his job was driving a large earth mover. Knievel was fired when he made the earth mover pop a motorcycle-type wheelie and drove it into Butte's main power line, leaving the city without electricity for several hours. With a lot of time on his hands, Knievel began to get into more and more trouble around Butte. After one particular police chase in 1956 in which he crashed his motorcycle, Knievel was taken to jail on a charge of reckless driving. When the night jailer came around to check the roll, he noted Robert Knievel in one cell and William Knofel in the other. Knofel was well known as "Awful Knofel," so Knievel began to be referred to as Evel Knievel. The nickname stuck.

Knievel was best known for a failed 1974 attempt to jump an Idaho canyon on a rocket-powered cycle and a spectacular crash at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas. He suffered nearly 40 broken bones before he retired in 1980.

Evel Knievel led a varied life, being at various times a miner, a fairly resourcefull insurance salesman (he even sold some policies to institutionalized mental patients), a hocky player/team owner , a burgler (it was rumored that he bought his first motorcycle with funds that he "liberated" from the Butte County Courthouse) a motocross rider, and a stunt rider.

He certainly wasn't a saint, indeed, often a sinner, bragidocious, self-promoting and gaudy, but he "did it HIS way" and always to provide for his family, and thats not a bad thing to be remembered for.

Just for grins

Finally !! someone has been able to photograph the pot at the end of the rainbow!!!

H/T to Catfish

JUST FOR GRINS

PHONES IN CHURCH

A man in Topeka , Kansas decided to write a book about churches around
the country. He started by flying to
San Francisco and started working east from there.
Going to a very large church, he began taking photographs and making
notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued
with a sign, which read "Calls: $10,000 a minute." Seeking out the pastor he
asked about the phone and the sign. The pastor answered that this golden
phone is, in fact, a direct line to heaven and if he pays the price he can talk
directly to GOD.

The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way. As he continued
to visit churches in Seattle , Dallas , St. Louis , Chicago , Milwaukee , and
around the United States , he found more phones, with the same sign, and the same
answer from each pastor.

Finally, he arrived in Kentucky , upon entering a church in Corbin ,
K.y. , behold - he saw the usual golden
telephone. But THIS time, the sign read "Calls: 35 cents."

Fascinated, he asked to talk to the pastor, "Reverend, I have been in
cities all across the country and in each
church I have found this golden telephone and have been told it is a
direct line to Heaven and that I c ould talk to GOD, but in the other churches the
cost was $10,000 a minute. Your sign reads only 35 cents a call. Why?"

I love this part.............................

The pastor, smiling benignly, replied, "Son, you're in Kentucky now
......
You're in God's Country, It's a local call."

Employee Relations

A new retiree greeter at Wal-Mart just couldn't seem to get to work on time.
Every day, he was five, ten, or fifteen minutes late. But, he was a good
worker, real sharp, so the boss was in a quandary about how to deal with it.

Finally, one day, he called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I
have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang up job, but your
being late so often is quite bothersome!"


"Yes, I know Boss, and I'm working on it."


"Well, good -- you're a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd
though, your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Air Force.
What did they say, if you came in late there?"



"They said, Good Morning, General!"

Thanks Catfish!

R.C.O.B. Moment in Merry Old England

When I heard about this incident, I experienced a RCOB moment.

I heartily agree with Adml Lord Boyce, a former head of the Armed Forces, when he said "the women should be "named and shamed".

That anyone can be so dastardly as to treat veterans wounded in the defense of their country in such a manner is totally incomprehensible to me and, I believe, to any normally funtioning human being. How DARE they state that the amputee vets were "scaring the children" and they "didn't belong there" (at the pool).

I am heartily greatful that I wasn't present at the scene, because I would certainly be in jail right now, accused of battery with intent to do great bodily injury; and I would most assuredly be guilty as charged. That the Vets left without so much as a raised voice speaks volumes as to the quality of their charactor.

I know it doesn't mean diddly to them, but this is one "Colonial" that offers them a huge "Thank You for your Service" and all the best of luck in their future recovery.

Wisdom from the back pew

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby, so he went before
the congregation and asked for a raise. After much discussion, they
passed a rule that whenever the preacher's family expanded, so would his
paycheck.

After 6 children, this started to get expensive and the congregation
decided to hold another meeting to discuss the preacher's salary. There
was much yelling and bickering about how much the clergyman's additional
children were costing the church.

Finally, the Preacher got up and spoke to the crowd, "Children are a
gift from God," he said.

Silence fell on the congregation.

After several embarrassing seconds had past, a little old lady seated in
the back pew, stood up and in her frail voice said, "Rain is also a gift
from God, but when we get too much of it, we wear rubbers."

H/T to SlagleRock

Just because....

To Chrissie, for her spectacular art

Excessive Force ?

WHY COPS SHOOT GUYS WITH KNIVES.

In my twelve years of service as a LEO, there was one issue that (rightfully) arose on a fairly steady basis, and that issue concerned the use of force in effecting an arrest. On many occasions the public would make a great outcry when they had the perception that an Officer used greater force than was necessary. "The perpretrator was only armed with a 4" knife" they will say, "WHY did the officer feel it necessary to shoot and end up killing the suspect?"

It's easy for the armchair quarterback to pass judgement on an Officer's actions in the calm safety of his Barcalounger with a cold beer and potato chips close to hand and the game of the week playing on the 60 inch screen.

Having "been there, done that" (thankfully without a fatality), I can assure you from personal experience that when you are facing some crazy jackass that is NOT going to come in a peaceful manner; indeed, is willing to do just about ANYTHING to prevent you from taking him/her into custody, the situation can get ugly/deadly in the blink of an eye.

The photos below are of an officer highly trained trained in hand-to-hand combat.

The officer figured, due to his size and fighting skills, he could
disarm a knife wielding aggressor.

To all the idiots out there who always say, "Why did the cops have
to shoot him? He only had a (insert your choice of weapons here,
i.e . knife, bat, club. whatever). He didn't have to be shot.

To that, I respond, "tough crap".

If an officer tells you to drop your weapon, just drop it.
If you're a retard, stupid, on crack, mental or just "scared" ...too damned bad.

No one deserves what this cop got for just doing his job.

This is vivid proof of how deadly people who are "only armed with a
knife" can be. Some of the public think that officers should try to
disarm someone armed with a knife but anyone who has had training
in knife fighting will tell you - even if you win you are going to
get cut.

The perpretrator in this case got scared and ran away before he managed to kill the officer and was arrested at a later date.

Look at the pictures below the fold the next time that you are tempted to jump to a knee-jerk reaction against "excessive force", find out the facts and then try to put yourself in the same situation and ask yourself "what would I have done?".

WARNING!!! Explicit photos ...

I am NOT saying that police officers should automatically be given a pass in every use of force, but that there should be a ,if you will excuse the term, "liberal" dose of "benefit of the doubt" before passing judgement on whether or not the force used was "excessive".

Subject: Translation

An Amish farmer was walking through his field, & noticed a man drinking from his pond, with his hand.

The Amish man shouted: "Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen." Which means: "Don't drink the water, the cows have shit in it."

The man shouted back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in English."

The Amish man said: "Use two hands. You'll get more."

To Nancy

Real life is funnier than ANYTHING you can make up:

To Catfish

Just for Grins

Three couples, an elderly couple, a middle aged couple and a young newlywed couple wanted to join a church.

The pastor says, "We have special requirements for new parishioners. You must abstain from having sex for two weeks." The couples agreed and came back at the end of two weeks.

The pastor goes to the elderly couple and asks, "Were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The old man replies, "No problem at all, Pastor." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church!" said the pastor.

The pastor goes to the middle aged couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for the two weeks?" The man replied, "The first week was not too bad. The second week I had to sleep on the couch for a couple of nights but, yes we made it." "Congratulations! Welcome to the church," said the pastor.

The pastor then goes to the newlywed couple and asks, "Well, were you able to abstain from sex for two weeks?"

"Well Pastor, we were not able to go without sex for the two weeks," the young man replied. "What Happened?" inquired the pastor. "My wife was reaching for a can of corn on the top shelf and dropped it. When she bent over to pick it up, I was over come with lust and took advantage of her right there."

"You understand of course, this means you will not be welcome in our church," stated the pastor.

"That's OK," said the young man, "We're not welcome at Safeway anymore either."

P.T.S.D.

Grim over at BlackFive has a great post on PTSD that anyone that has a relative/friend/loved one that is having problems post tour of war duty should read.

I think that the main point he makes is one that we living here in "civilized" society don't really know and/or ackowledge; and that is that those with "ptsd" are not "broken"; they are the ones that are truly aware of the true reality of our existance.

They have to relearn putting the blinders on to function in our society, but in fact, they are the ones living in the TRUE reality and we are the the ignorant ones. We need the blinders (or as Grim put it "the walls" ) for society to function, but we must never lose sight of the fact that "society" is an artificial construct we all agree to make life easier, not the true reality of life.

In Old Age, Humor

An elderly gentleman...
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again."
The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"
-----------------------------
Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"
Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby."
"Really!? Like a newborn baby!?"
"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants."
-------------------------------
An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen.

The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly."

The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?"

The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love?

You know... The one that's red and has thorns."

"Do you mean a rose?"

"Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

------------------------

Hospital regulations require a wheel chair for patients being discharged. However, while working as a student nurse, I found one elderly gentleman already dressed and sitting on the bed with a suitcase at his feet, who insisted he didn't need my help to leave the hospital.

After a chat about rules being rules, he reluctantly let me wheel him to the elevator. On the way down I asked him if his wife was meeting him. "I don't know," he said. "She's still upstairs in the bathroom changing out of her hospital gown."

---------------------

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a checkup, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember.

Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. "Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?" he asks.

"Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?"

"Sure."

"Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?" she asks..

"No, I can remember it."

"Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so's not to forget it?"

He says, "I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries."

"I 'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?" she asks.

Irritated, he says, "I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!"

Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes the old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs. She stares at the plate for a moment.

"Where's my toast ?"

-----------------------------

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:

"So I hear you're getting married?"

"Yep!"

"Do I know her?"

"Nope!"

"This woman, is she good looking?"

"Not really."

"Is she a good cook?"

"Naw, she can't cook too well."

"Does she have lots of money?"

"Nope! Poor as a church mouse."

"Well, then, is she good in bed?"

"I don't know."

"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?"

"Because she can still drive!"

--------------------------------------------

Three old guys are out walking.

First one says, "Windy, isn't it?"

Second one says, "No, it's Thursday!"

Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

--------------------------------------------------

A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect."

"Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?"

"Twelve thirty."

--------------------------------

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?"
Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'"

The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful."

-----------------------------------

A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.

After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.

The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"

"No," he replied, "Arthritis."

Iraq

I got the treatise below from my B-i-L today, and while at first glance it seems a predicting verse of the Iraq war; if you go to the Koran, chapter 9 verse 11 reads:
" But if they repent and keep up prayer and pay the poor-rate, they are your brethren in faith; and We make the communications clear for a people who know. "

It would be a nice touch to the Iraq war to have a Koranic verse to apply to it, but really, to fake it cheapens the sacrifices made by our troops in what I believe to be a just and necessary war. Our troops are doing fine without the Shamanistic touches, especially those that are patently false.

******************************************************************

The name Iraq, means country with deep roots.

Indeed Iraq is a country with deep roots and is a very significant country in the Bible.

No other nation, except Israel, has more history and prophecy associated with it than Iraq.

And also, this is something to think about: Since America is typically represented by an eagle.

Saddam should have read up on his Muslim passages.

The following verse is from the Koran, (the Islamic Bible).

Koran ( 9:11 ) - For it is written that a son of Arabia would awaken a fearsome Eagle. The wrath of the Eagle would be felt throughout the lands of Allah and lo, while some of the people trembled in despair still more rejoiced; for the wrath of the Eagle cleansed the lands of Allah; And there was peace.

(Note the verse number!) Hmmmmmmm?!

******************************************************************

Signs, signs, everywhere are signs....

In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."

On a Septic Tank Truck :

Yesterday's Meals on Wheels

At a Proctologist's door:

"To expedite your visit please back in."

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed."

On another Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.."

On a Church's Billboard:

"7 days without God makes one weak."

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee :

"Invite us to your next blowout."

At a Towing company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

On an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."

In a Nonsmoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action."

On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push."

At an Optometrist's Office :

"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place."

On a Taxidermist's window:

"We really know our stuff."

On a Fence:

"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive!"

At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

At the Electric Company:

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.
However, if you don't, you will be."

In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait."

At a Propane Filling Station ,

"Thank heaven for little grills."

And don't forget the sign at a
Chicago Radiator Shop:

"Best place in town to take a leak."

Quote of the Day

"I am for socialism, disarmament, and ultimately for abolishing the State itself as an instrument of violence and compulsion. I seek the social ownership of property, the abolition of the propertied class, and sole control of those who produce wealth. Communism is the goal." (emph. mine -D)
ACLU founder Roger Baldwin

Anyone that believes that the ACLU really has the best interests of our (American) civil liberties/rights in mind are truly, as Joseph Stalin put it, "useful idiots".

'Nuff said.

Truth Revealed

JUST P.U.S.H.

A man was sleeping one night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled
with light, and God appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him
to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord
explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his
might....

So, this the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sunup
to sundown, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface
of the unmoving rock, pushing with all his might!

Each night the man returned to his cabin sore and worn out, Feeling that
his whole day had been spent in vain. Since the man was showing
discouragement, the Adversary (Satan) decided to enter the picture by
placing thoughts into the weary mind: (He will do it every time)!

You have been pushing against that rock for a long time and it hasn't
moved.' Thus, he gave t he man the impression that the task was
impossible and that he was a failure. These thoughts discouraged and
disheartened the man.

Satan said, 'Why kill yourself over this? Just put in your time, giving
just the minimum effort; and that will be good enough.'

That's what the weary man planned to do, but decided to make it a matter
of Prayer and to take his troubled thoughts to The Lord.

'Lord,' he said, 'I have labored long and hard in Your Service, putting
all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this
time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter. What is
wrong? Why am I failing?'

The Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when I asked you to
serve Me and you accepted, I told you that yo ur task was to push
against the rock with all of your strength, which you have done.

Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your
task was to push. And now you come to Me with your strength spent,
thinking that you have failed.

But, is that really so? Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and
muscled, your back shiny and brown; your hands are callused from
constant pressure, your legs have become massive and hard.

Through opposition you have grown much, and your abilities now surpass
that which you used to have. True, you haven't moved the rock. But your
calling was to be Obedient and to push and to exercise your Faith and
trust in My wisdom. That you have done. Now I, my friend, will move the
rock. "

At times, when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect
to decipher what He wants, when actually what God wants is just simple
obedience and faith in Him.

By all means, exercise the Faith that moves mountains, but know that it
is still God Who moves The Mountains.

When everything seems to go wrong......................Just P.U.S.H ..

When the job gets you down................................Just P.U.S.H.

When people don't do as you think they should.......Just P.U.S.H.

When your money is 'gone' and the bills are due.....Just P.U.S.H.

When people just don't understand you..................Just P.U.S.H.

P = Pray

U = Until

S = Something

H = Happens

Pass this on to all your loved ones and friends who may need it; they
may get it just in time. 'Though no one can go back and make a brand new
start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.'

Lord, keep me in the company of those who seek the truth, and guard me
from those who believe they have found it. -- Attributed to
Archbishop Donald Caird, retired Primate of the Church of Ireland

Random Thoughts

'The purpose of fighting is to win. There is no possible victory in defense. The sword is more important than the shield and skill is more important than either. The final weapon is the brain. All else is supplemental.' - John Steinbeck

1. Don't pick a fight with an old man. If he's too old to fight, he'll just kill you.

2. If you find yourself in a fair fight, your tactics suck.

3. I carry a gun, 'cause a cop is too heavy.

4. America is not at war. The U.S. Military is at war. America is at the mall.

5. When seconds count, the cops are just minutes away.

6. A reporter did a human interest piece on the Texas Rangers. The reporter recognized the Colt Model 1911 the Ranger was carrying and asked him 'Why do you carry a 45?'. The Ranger responded with, 'Because they don't make a 46.'

7. An armed man will kill an unarmed man with monotonous regularity.

8. The old sheriff was attending an awards dinner when a lady commented on his wearing his sidearm. 'Sheriff, I see you have your pistol. Are you expecting trouble?' 'No Ma'am. If I were expecting trouble, I would have brought my rifle.'

9. Beware the man who only has one gun. He probably knows how to use it!

H/T Catfish

The 3 Bears

The Real Story (A far more accurate account of the
events of that fateful morning...)

Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He
looks into his small bowl. It is empty. "Who's been eating my porridge?"
he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks
into his big bowl and it is also empty. "Who's been eating my
porridge?!?" he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and
yells, "For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with
you idiots? It was Mummy Bear who got up first. It was Mummy Bear who
woke everyone in the house. It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee. It
was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put
everything away. It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen.
It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch
The newspaper and croissants. It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.

"It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter
tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.

"And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs
and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully,
because I'm only going to say this once....

"I HAVEN'T MADE THE DAMN PORRIDGE YET!!!"

An Italian Anniversary

At the church's husband's marriage seminar, the Priest asked Luigi, on his upcoming 50th wedding anniversary, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to stay married to the same woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the audience "Well, I'v-a tried to treat-a her well, spend-a the money on her, but-a, da best-a is-a dat I took her to Italy for the 20th-a anniversary!

The Priest immediately commented, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please tell the audience what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary..."

Luigi proudly replied, "I'm-a gonna go and-a get her."

YOU think you have a bad job...

When you have a "I Hate My Job" day, try this:
> On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the
> thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson
> &Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand.
>
> When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the
> phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing
> and sit in your favorite chair.
>
> Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on
> a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
>
> Now the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read
> it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
>
> "Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally
> tested and then sanitized".
>
> Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, "I am so glad I do
> not work in the thermometer quality control at Johnson & Johnson."
>
> HAVE A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB
> THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE A** THAN YOURS . . . .

SCHOOL: 1967 vs. 2007

Scenario: Jack goes quail hunting before school, pulls into school parking lot with shotgun in gun rack.

1967 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.

2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers.

Scenario: Johnny and Mark get into a fistfight after school.

1967 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.

2007 - Police called, SWAT team arrives, arrests Johnny and Mark. Charge them with assault, both expelled even though Johnny started it.

Scenario: Jeffrey won't be still in class, disrupts other students.

1967 - Jeffrey sent to office and given a good paddling by the Principal. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.

2007 - Jeffrey given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes a zombie. Tested for ADD. School gets extra money from state because Jeffrey has a disability.

Scenario: Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.

1967 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college, and becomes a successful businessman.

2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has affair with psychologist.

Scenario: Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.

1967 - Mark shares aspirin with Principal out on the smoking dock.

2007 - Police called, Mark expelled from school for drug violations. Car searched for drugs and weapons.

Scenario: Pedro fails high school English.

1967 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English, goes to college.

2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. ACLU files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro's English teacher. English banned from core curriculum. Pedro given diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.

Scenario: Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from 4th of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle, blows up a red ant bed.

1967 - Ants die.

2007 - BATF, Homeland Security, FBI called. Johnny charged with domestic terrorism, FBI investigates parents, siblings removed from home, computers confiscated, Johnny's Dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.

Scenario: Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.

1967 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.

2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison. Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.

SAD, BUT TRUE

Just for Grins

A South Carolina farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called, and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.
The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. Upon arriving at the residence he climbed the utility pole, plugged in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's phone number.
The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and then the telephone began to ring.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman
discovered the following:
1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.
4. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.
Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

H/T to Catfish

R.I.P. Gen. Paul Tibbits

An Americon icon has died. Gen. Paul Tibbits died Thursday in Colunbus ,Ohio.

Gen. Tibbits commanded the Enola Gay, the plane that dropped the first atomic bomb over Hiroshima , Japan on August 6, 1945, leading to the surrender of Japan and the end of WW2 about a week later.

As pilot of one of the most famous flights of WW II, which brought about a quicker surrender from the enemy and a reduction in the loss of Allied lives, and for his leadership and skill with both airplanes and people in times of stress, Paul W. Tibbets, Jr. is enshrined with honor into the National Aviation Hall of Fame.

Gen. Tibbets held the following medals and awards:

Distinguished Flying Cross
Air Medal
Purple Heart
Legion of Merit
European Campaign Medal
Joint Staff Commendation Medal
American Defense Service Medal
W.W.II Victory Medal
Air Force Outstanding Unit Award
American Campaign Medal

Historical revisionists have tried to make Gen. Tibbits out to be the ultimate war criminal, but in the hearts of anyone that truly knows history, he should be revered as someone that saved at least a million lives. Because of the ongoing controversy over the use of the atomic bomb over sixty years later; Gen. Tibbits requested that there be no public funeral, and no headstone placed over his grave, as he did not wish to give detractors of his service a focal point on which to focus their activities upon.
Another example of his selflessness, even in death. This man should have received a state funeral and a monument in tribute to his service and his life; instead he was quietly laid to rest with no fanfare in an unmarked grave.

We have lost a hero and we are all diminished by that loss.

Arab Rally

Read the following explanation before looking at the picture!

This picture is not doctored. Most Syrians struggle to even read Arabic, much less have a clue about English.

So, how do a group of Syrian protest leaders create the most impact w ith their signs by having the standard "Death To Americans"(etc.) slogans printed in English?

Answer: They simply hire an English-speaking civilian! To translate and write their statements into English. Unfortunately, in this case, they were unaware that the "civilian" insurance company employee hired for the job was a retired US Army sergeant!

Obviously, pictures of this protest rally never made their way through the Arab TV networks, but the results were "Priceless."